Hello bromigos & girlitos…
The most famous former Duke student I know (other than the girl who was doing porn during semester breaks and ended up on CNN) dropped some interesting knowledge on the flat-world this week, and obviously, it created some tension between the girlfriend and me.
Cleveland Cavs point guard Kyrie Irving believes the earth is flat…
During the All-Star Weekend break, Irving joined his teammates’ podcast, Road Trippin’ with R.J. & Channing.
(Tune in roughly at the 15-minute mark)
When the conversation worked its way into extraterrestrial life, the Cavs point guard began to talk about a grand cover-up.
He insists the world is flat!
The truth is right there, you just got to go searching for it.
— Kyrie Irving
So, when my girlfriend asked about my day, I think she was a little surprised to hear how I spent the whole work day looking up YouTube videos on flat-earth theories. She had one question. Why?
Well, actually two questions: Why…
And do you ever worry about getting in trouble for wasting company time?
I explained Kyrie’s comments and showed her this video:
Kyrie Irving was trending on Twitter today because he believes the Earth is flat. I asked him about it. pic.twitter.com/ODe9aP9qmK
— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) February 18, 2017
She made a peculiar expression. Then her eyes flared when her science brain began to click with frustration.
I could tell she was concerned to hear my thoughts.
“What college did he go to?”
“Duke… <I Paused For Emphasis> For one-year only though…”
“Ha… Well, maybe round-earth is covered in year two.”
“Yeah, maybe; however, I can’t argue with his crossover. Maybe the earth is flat, sweetheart.”
“Excuse me.”
“Don’t you remember how he created that separation in Game 7?”
“Do you remember ANYTHING you learned in school?”
“Yes, but I also learned false information because of prejudice, fear, ignorance and governmental incompetence. My basketball coach NEVER taught me Kyrie’s moves. Maybe he’s tapped into the truth.”
“Tapped into the truth? WTF? You believe every conspiracy theory, then deny the gender wage gap. What’s his flat-earth justification again?”
“He didn’t go into the specifics too much.”
“I bet he didn’t… Ha”
“Yes, but he did encourage you to look into the scientific facts for yourself. Sounds kinda scholarly to me…”
“One, claims without justification or experimentation are NOT scholarly. Science is the continuous quest to prove and disprove. Hence, ‘scientific fact’ isn’t the correct term — they’re theories. What did your ‘credible’ YouTube video say?”
“It wasn’t just one video. Some people think we live on a flat disk and others say it’s more like a dome. In fact, the videos were all over the place and touched every conspiracy theory I’ve ever heard. Some were nuts but others kinda make sense. There wasn’t really a cohesive theory to explain though. It’s not a normal science lecture.”
“Why doesn’t the water fall off the earth?”
“Apparently Antarctica is a ice wall around the perimeter.”
“What about the satellites circling the planet?”
“They’re NOT real.”
“What about the moon landing?”
“Fake!”
“I honestly don’t know what to say to you right now!”
“Say you believe what you see… If the earth was round, how could Kyrie possibly reverse his momentum against the earth’s rotation and pull up for the win? Look at the move — it’s out of this world.”
Needless to say, she walked out of the room then…
It was probably the ‘out of this world’ line.
Or, maybe she’s part of the “establishment” trying to silence the truth. I’ll never know for sure…
I didn’t go to Duke. Or do porn…
